i want to wake up in a city that doesn't sleep and the whole boulevard was singing along's Journal
?

Log in

LiveJournal for and the whole boulevard was singing along.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 14 entries.

Sunday, September 29th, 2002

Time:7:29 pm.
don't listen. just talk.
3 forgotten boys|search and destroy

Tuesday, June 18th, 2002

Subject:Twenty six dollars in my hand
Time:4:21 pm.
it's journal time!

wow. this past week has been too much emotional turmoil for me to handle. and it's not even mine! i am so incredibly tired of consoling people, especially about shitty parents. everyone's parents are shitheads at one time or another! i guess this is just so annoying because matters like these are so ridiculously obvious to me. if your parents won't let you do something, do something else! if you think you can win them over, do it. if you know you can't, don't. it's that simple. and it doesn't help matters when i'd like to agree with the parents - but alas, that would be suicide. i'm not conservative, but i'm not a rebel without a clue either.

i'm the kind of person you would turn to with a problem. i don't tell secrets, and i don't blow you off. i listen intently and offer advice. take it or leave it, but my job is done. i guess i didn't read the friendship manual, but i just want someone to have a good time with. none of that emotional shit, especially when it's this petty. some people are so weak.

(sometimes writing mushy essays in yearbooks can do this to you)
search and destroy

Tuesday, June 11th, 2002

Subject:And I can't help quoting you, cause everything that you said rings true, oh oh
Time:10:27 pm.
oh but people make me cry

why do they have to be so brilliant

i went to a poetry reading at school today, and i don't think anything's ever made me so terribly happy and sad at the same time. happy that there are wondrous people in the world, and sad that i'm not one of them.
search and destroy

Subject:Everyone lies, nobody minds
Time:3:25 pm.
I'm done with trying to figure everything and everyone out. So completely finished. It's like ice skating. You can't think about the fact that you're supported by thousands of gallons of frozen water that could crack any second. You just have to glide around and concentrate on not falling. No more analyzing, no more agonizing. That's it.


(I've been ice skating once)
search and destroy

Thursday, June 6th, 2002

Subject:I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind
Time:8:10 pm.
apologizing. sucks.



what a blow to my ego.
search and destroy

Tuesday, June 4th, 2002

Subject:Chick a chick ah
Time:5:42 pm.
Yesterday I fell asleep when I was reading my book, even though it is rather marvelous. (Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut). I woke to my mother's screeching, got up, took my contacts out, and went back to sleep. I woke up late this morning and am still tired. I have horrid black circles under my eyes. I guess I still haven't recovered from the dance show.

I am learning. It seems as if all of a sudden, I am being bombarded by golden nuggets of information about, well, everything. Now every word seems important, and every action has a purpose. Maybe that's what learning is - not packing your brain with useless shit, but becoming aware. I could listen to people talk all day. Not like psychologist listening, which is "I'm getting paid a buttload of money so of course I'm interested" listening, but rather a genuine curiosity. People are just so intriguing, have you ever noticed that? I don't know. Sometimes you just have to guardate la bella luna. I'm not Italian but I like to say that. Look at the beautiful moon.
search and destroy

Wednesday, May 29th, 2002

Subject:They stole the notion from you and me
Time:4:23 pm.
Mood:cynical.
I am so frustrated. There's so much I don't know, and never will know. I feel so sheltered and illiterate.

I am tired of loud and obnoxious people. I am tired of being an elitist snob who looks down on everyone. But I can't help it; I am the most tactful (thoughtful? precocious? I can't find the word) of my friends. I am tired of people who don't think of the consequences. I am tired of stupidity, and unfortunately I have too much of that to refrain from calling myself a hypocrite.

Somebody tell me something I need to know. I want to be WORLDLY. I probably won't get many comments seeing as I only have two friends defined, but it's worth a try.
3 forgotten boys|search and destroy

Monday, May 27th, 2002

Subject:He's the boogie woogie bugle boy
Time:5:50 pm.
I've calmed down a bit since my last entry. I ate dinner by myself in the backyard and pretended I was eating a five star meal at an outdoor cafe in Paris. It was there I realized that I have done nothing but waste time all day, if you count having fun as wasting time. I think I will finally start my report. Au revoir. Procrastinating will be the death of me.
6 forgotten boys|search and destroy

Subject:By George, I think he's lost it
Time:5:03 pm.
Mood:seething.
My dad is completely irrational.

And self-absorbed.

And absolutely, positively out of his mind.

He comes home with an impish grin that I know all too well. I prepare myself for the worst, thinking, say, a new computer or some sort of exercise equipment. Oh no. This time, he's bought a car. A CAR! Hi my name is Amy and I'm your daughter? I was planning on maybe, oh I don't know, going to college? Oh no no no no no. In the twisted contours of his brain, my dad has somehow convinced himself that he needs four cars to drive. For himSELF. I don't have a car, and yet he has four. People with our annual income do not just buy cars because they feel like it. My dad throws his money away while I have to work up the courage to ask my mom for a pair of twelve dollar half-sole dance shoes. I called my mom to tell her the horrible news and all she does is laugh helplessly. She has NO spine. Now I am stuck here for at least two more hours with him. Fuck midlife crises, man. Gee whiz. He's not even 45 yet. What is he going to do next? aldkfjaldja;lfja;djjf
search and destroy

Thursday, May 16th, 2002

Subject:Turn around and say good morning to the night
Time:4:01 pm.
Hi, my name is Amy and I'm your doormat. I like dirty shoes, wet shoes, and just being taken for granted in general. I love being a giant sign that says, "COME USE ME!"

Har har har. I swear if that phone rings one more time I'm going to rip it out of the jack. Hm. I don't have anything to say. Maybe I'll come back and edit this later.
search and destroy

Time:3:38 pm.
Arrr. I deleted my journal for a while when I was trying to fix it up and make it look nice, but it was to no avail. Es feo. I wish I could make a style.
search and destroy

Wednesday, May 15th, 2002

Subject:I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
Time:6:57 pm.
While re-reading my entries, I realized how awful I sound. I promise I am really not that mean. This journal is just a prime location for my most sinister thoughts. Heh heh heh.
search and destroy

Tuesday, May 14th, 2002

Subject:Jump jump out of time
Time:10:14 pm.
It's astounding how much someone can change in a weekend.

You are a seemingly hopeless case at the moment. It's harder to ignore someone than to just play along with her senseless games, no? So predictible it's surprising.

I GIVE UP
search and destroy

Subject:Wham bam thank you ma'am
Time:7:51 pm.
How very irritating.

Why do I dislike IM so much? I need to see people when they talk. Expressions can convey a completely different meaning than words.

Would someone just put me and my angsty, clichéd, woe-is-me self inflicted drama out of misery? Gross. I already ruined my journal.

Go on, go on, just walk away
search and destroy

LiveJournal for and the whole boulevard was singing along.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 14 entries.